To understand Roscoe’s Neapolitan Pizzeria, a Takoma Park stalwart since 2009, one must first understand its namesake, Roscoe the Rooster. Roscoe was a free-range cock-about-town in the 1990s who insouciantly eluded capture and crowed about it. Roscoe pecked his final peck in February 1999, finally running afoul, a hit-and-run victim — the perp was possibly a drowsy driver whom Roscoe awakened at an ungodly hour. Thirty mourners1 attended Roscoe’s outdoor funeral2 and raised $5,000 to memorialize him with a brass sculpture3 in downtown Takoma Park.
Roscoe’s is a lovely spot to spend an evening, either inside or out. The handsome interior is decked out with Roscoe memorabilia aplenty. The outdoor patio is a convivial spot to watch progressives stride by. Roscoe’s runs a tight ship. Service is prompt, friendly, and flawless — a delightful rarity. The joint is beloved. Furthermore, Roscoe’s is a local hub for events and music.
Catering to some of its clientele, Roscoe’s has an extensive vegan menu. Figuring Roscoe’s must know what they’re doing in a town with so many vegans per capita, DishingPizza ordered a margherita pizza with half vegan cheese and half mozzarella di bufala. To DishingPizza‘s admittedly inexperienced palate, the vegan cheese isn’t even halfway decent — it’s entirely indecent — gummy and flavorless. Yes, vegans will outlive everyone else who pollutes their bodies with dairy, beef, and ultraprocessed foods. But if one is relegated to a lifetime of vegan cheese, the extra years may not be worth it.
In fairness, DishingPizza has not sampled vegan cheese pizza elsewhere4 and will, therefore, evaluate just the mozzarella di bufala side of Roscoe’s pizza.
The Roscoe’s crust is attractive but lacks oomph. Without tanginess, saltiness, or yeastiness, the crust lacks a raison d’être. Furthermore, even with the 10″ pizzas Roscoe’s slings, eating a slice requires two hands to support the floppiness in the middle. The San Marzano sauce is very good, as is the mozzarella, but this type of pizza has become a commodity in the DMV.
DishingPizza understands these are fighting words in peaceful, nuclear-free Takoma Park, where the townies are crazy about Roscoe’s. DishingPizza fears irate mobs of Takoma Parkers hopped up on low-alcohol kombucha fermented in a neighbor’s backyard yurt. DishingPizza had best look both ways before crossing the street — otherwise, it could become a victim of a silent plug-in Prius hit-and-run, communing with Roscoe in that great henhouse in the sky.
Roscoe’s Neapolitan Pizzeria
7040 Carroll Ave, Takoma Park, MD 20912
Type: Wood-fired Neapolitan
Pizza quality: 🍕🍕
Overall experience: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Pie (10″): $15.00
Pie price per square inch: $0.19
- Yes, Roscoe was more popular than most people. ↩︎
- Roscoe was eulogized by then-writer for the now-defunct Takoma Voice, Mike Tidwell. He said, “With each crow, he reconnected us, however briefly, to a world more sane and simple.” An author and environmental activist, Tidwell’s most recent book is The Lost Trees of Willow Avenue. ↩︎
- Visitors adorn the sculpture with scarves and hats, much like Jim Morrison devotees visit his grave at Père Lachaise cemetery, leaving offerings. ↩︎
- Lots of DMV pizzerias offer vegan cheese pizzas. ↩︎